Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize