im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize