i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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