ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
