I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
