u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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