look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
