smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I wish they made helmets for livers.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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