I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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