We're like a lot better than the average bears
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
