there was a trapeze. enough said
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
