How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
