I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
someone owes me an orgasm
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
