If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
