I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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