Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
We left the knife in your bed.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize