he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
