Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
