There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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