Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
