Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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