Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
