I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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