I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
