what day is it and did you see me today?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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