don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
