May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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