One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
