Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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