And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
