remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
