do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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