pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
