You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize