I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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