Is it because I queefed?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Please don't give away my fajitas
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
