Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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