Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
