The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
