Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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