i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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