I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
