i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
