I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
