oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
