obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
