Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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