i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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