so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
