I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
