How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
