At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
