Your tits are I can't wait for
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
