hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
