So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
