He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
