he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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