My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
There r osticjed everywhere
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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