Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
