I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
