You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Randomize
