explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
