I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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