So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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