Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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