her vagine was all disorganized.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
