Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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