you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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